the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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