I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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