drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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