the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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