Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize