i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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