At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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