I heard we made out
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
