you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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