she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
