then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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