Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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