He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
