Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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