he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
