this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So apparently I’m into choking now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
