it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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