WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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