after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
