Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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