I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
