After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
