it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
