if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
