so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
