i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
