I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
