She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
