Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
