Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
