Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize