She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need a burrito and a hug.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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