wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
