What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
