life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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