we're chasing vodka with high fives
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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