she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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