i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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