I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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