Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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