i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
