I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
