They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
