I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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