and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
