..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
