I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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