She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
