Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We left the knife in your bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize