My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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