Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
