Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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