Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
