If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
