They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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