Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
