1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
