My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
