It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
