yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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