I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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