my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
