The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
