remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
