Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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