I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
