She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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