I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
