I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
