so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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