i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
