only if we run a train.
done.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
