With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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