Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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