I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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