I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
