he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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