ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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