the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
