So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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