didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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