taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
