he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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