I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
