just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
