The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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