Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize