it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
