Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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