you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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