I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize