Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck appropriateness.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
