Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
