So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
