I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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